Posted by: mesabimisadventures | August 3, 2010

A Rose By Any Other Name

So I’ve been a bit absent from blogging.  It isn’t that I don’t want to write and goodness knows I never have a day that goes by without opinions poinging around in my skull.  But I’ve been busy (I know, excuses, excuses). 

I’m getting hitched, tying the knot, becoming the ball-and-chain in less than 2 weeks.  Now had I been a normal bride (person), I would have given myself ample time to fight with Matt over location, officiant, caterer, honeymoon, colors, and place settings.  But being that I only venture near normal when I have to (i.e. work), I gave myself 6 weeks from engagement to wedding.  Apparently I like a challenge.

When you’re 32 and have been mentally planning your wedding day (sans groom) for 18 years, picking the path of the ceremony isn’t very intimidating.  What has proved to be more difficult are the factors I never factored in, such as the fact that the groom may (gasp!) have his own opinions or his own family that has dreamed of his wedding day for 30 years. 

We’ve struggled (as do other couples who tend not to be the traditional type) with attempting to nicely scooch away from the “haveta’ factor.”  The haveta’ factor plays in everytime you propose something that is counter to local traditions/customs.  “But ya’ haveta’ do this, ya’ haveta’ do that.”  Ummm… not really.  Minnesota Statutes and Rules don’t mention anything regarding this or that.  And it probably doesn’t help our caring, just-trying-to-help families that Matt and I may both sorta’, maybe, potentially-but-leaning-towards-completely have reputations for being stubborn and perhaps a bit bucky about societal conventions. 

(Love you mom!!!)

Seriously though, as someone who skews the national average age for a first marriage up a bit (that’s my nice way of saying I’m old), the magnitude of what we’re stepping into in less than 2 weeks hits harder than it would have had I married in my 20s.  I’ve skipped along footloose and fancy-free (cue the Muppets!) while my friends have had adorable children, celebrated anniversaries or mourned ended marriages.  I’ve cheered them on when they’ve said “I do” and supported them when their marriages got rocky and sometimes came to an end.  I’ve seen the joy that can happen, but I’m also acutely aware of the potential pain that may occur.

It’s a bit scary to me, but I think it should be.  It’s a big deal.  Forget the failed celebrity marriages or starter marriages that people knowingly go into, focus on the real marriages.  Matt’s grandparents that have been married for over 65 years, enduring countless challenges, their eyes still sparkling when they see each other.  My grandma’s girlish look on her face when she talks about my grandpa that passed away 34 years ago.  My friends that have their spouses’ backs when life gets as frustrating as it tends to get.  Even someone as cynical and jaded as me can see that marriage still has its place in society and in our home.

In a few weeks, I’ll be letting go of my name, my identity (sort of).  I’m comfortable with the decision, but it may take awhile to really sink in.  At 32, the amount of accounts, contacts and random things I sign regularly is quite significant.  I’ll be proud to take his last name (and not just because people have actually heard of it on the Range (instant street cred!)), but I know I will still feel a loss.  My name was distinct (minus the fact that my brother married a girl named Julie, good thing she doesn’t end up in court reports ever!).  My name was me.  My name was typically “Julie let-me-spell-my-last-name-for-you,” but it was still mine.  I’ll miss that single, carefree girl the name represented, but only in the way that I miss college sometimes (it was great while it lasted, but at some point I had to graduate). 

I’ll be a Mrs. and that’ll be okay.

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Responses

  1. I’m pretty darn happy for you. For a while there, I didn’t think it would ever happen, but I am thrilled it is, especially with such a great guy like Matt.

    • Thanks Heather (for many things, including encouraging me to be open-minded about it and for helping me through the thought process the past year)!

  2. Congrats to you, Julie! Marriage is a wonderful thing. You’re jumping in quickly, as you say, but you’ve put in your time – you know what you’re in for 🙂

    Enjoy it and each other – for many years to come!

    • Thank you Christie! I believe it’ll be the best choice I ever have made 🙂

  3. Julie,

    You are part of a covenant with Matt. Matt is obviously the other part. Marriage is not a contract, (although the states & courts would disagree with that!). Like an old song says, marriage is not some ink spots dried up on some line; marriage is always wanting the best for the other person.
    You wrote of becoming someone different, (Julie Lucas), and losing Julie Klejeski. Actually, that is incorrect: Julie Klejeski & Matt Lucas became ONE new person, Julie & Matt Lucas. Or perhaps they became Matt & Julie Lucas.
    In the short time i have known you, you have done an excellent job of not letting outside forces define you. Now is NOT the time to start.
    In closing, love is a decision, not an emotion.
    Bruce

    • Big smiles Bruce! Thank you for that – you’re completely right 🙂 For years I believed that marriage was just a piece of paper but now I see how wrong I was. It’s pretty darn amazing 🙂


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