Posted by: mesabimisadventures | August 12, 2009

SYS (Support Your Sisters)

“She’ll change her mind in a few years.  She’ll regret this decision someday.  Who will take care of her when she’s old?” 

“Her kids should really be spending more time with others their age.  Why’d she even go to college if she isn’t going to use her degree?  She probably just doesn’t want to work, that’s why she stays home with the kids.”

“How can she handle leaving the kids with some stranger everyday.  What kind of mom goes to work and dumps her kid off at daycare all day?  Why did she even bother having kids?”

Ladies, have a seat. 
We need to chat. 
We’ve created the Mommy War;
what the heck’s up with that?

To have children or be childfree;
To stay at home or go back to work.
Individually, we’ve battled through these decisions;
while collectively, we’re all becoming trapped in the murk.

Such a personal and private decision
that’s made between a husband and a wife.
Who are we as outsiders to question
the direction they’ve chosen for their life?

We don’t know what goes on behind closed doors
or in the hearts and minds of those we are not.
We should know however, that disrespecting the decisions made,
diminishes or erases all for which women have fought.

As women, we haven’t always been able to make a choice.
The Pill was only introduced into our world in the 60s.
Has there ever been another invention so convention-changing
as this, which allowed us to finally have control over our bodies?

What is right for one may not be right for another.
It’s up to each of us to decide our path.
Family decisions are to be made by two.
There are her and her husband, I’ll let you do the math.

Is daycare the devil incarnate
or the key to protecting a mother’s sanity?
To one it’s the former, to others the latter.
I couldn’t begin to tell ya’; after all, I’m childfree.

And let’s not forget the woman many have forgotten,
the woman unable to carry to term or even conceive.
Every day that she’s prodded about when she’s going to start a family,
is another night she will doubt herself and continue to grieve.

Women, we’re better than this current behavior.
Better than this unnecessary, destructive beating each other down.
Let’s put an end to this pointless, waste-of-energy Mommy War.
Look past our own reproductive system-status and try to remember our common ground.

We need to respect and support our fellow Sisters
in this little game we like to call life.
Celebrate the fact that we have choices regarding our families;
we’re not robots and I’m definitely no Stepford Wife!!!



  1. I was happily child-free for 15 years of marriage, was in the military and moving around, then got out and had uncertain times. We finally decided to have a baby a couple of years ago and she has merrily turned our lives upside down. My husband is a stay-at-home dad, so I’m sure that causes talk. For years we got asked the “when are you going to have kids” thing and the answer was always when we are good and #%&% ready. But yeah, I agree, we should be minding our own business instead of worrying about others. 🙂

  2. Very nice! I like where you went and the creative route to get there. Plus, I’m a sucker for slant rhymes. Cheers!

  3. Why, THANK YOU!

    Being a preggers woman, I’m very sick of judgemental looks from women who ask accusingly “So, you’re going back to WORK after the baby is born?” And there are others who assume we need to reform our entire lives around baby and forget completely who we are, what we do, etc.

    Work, stay home, whatever ladies. Just be happy- and confident enough with your choice that you don’t go around judging others.

  4. Well said and very sensitive to other viewpoints and lifestyles. Somethings we can’t know until we live it, and other things just aren’t choices. I really can’t understand the short sightedness of those who judge. Maybe “its more about them than me.”

    That said, I have almost never had these judgmental things said to my face. I don’t care what is said behind my back.

    I’m a college graduate, but worked only a bit in my field. Nevertheless, I think that my education has been put to use every week of my adult life.

  5. OK. I’ll try to keep my mouth shut from now on. 😉

    My most tiring judgements are related to me traveling for work and everyone thinking I’ve got my priorities messed up. Dad’s home but it’s not enough. Mom should be home regardless.

    Drives me nutty!

  6. Having kids is like gaining a lot of weight. If you don’t acknowledge the weight and buy a new pair of pants you are going to be VERY unhappy, BUT – your new pants STILL have to fit YOU – and you shouldn’t worry if they don’t fit anyone else, or if no one else thinks they fit you. As long as you are comfortable, how can anything else matter? (Which certainly explains MY style choices).

    You DO have to reform your life once a child is born (you are a new person, a PARENT), but you haven’t really changed that much, you’ve just added on. Losing your old self is as wrong as refusing to acknowledge your new self.

    I just got back from a reunion where the big question asked of me was why I stopped at ONLY 2 kids. I know I am judged both for the sacrifices I have made AND for the ones I haven’t made. I just look at it as a nice excuse to drink more!

    • Your mind works like mine, Pam. And the reunion I was just at this past Sunday had the same questions posed to me by more than one family.

  7. Thanks for this, Julie. 🙂

  8. Yeah great post. My husband and I decided to adopt even though we could have biological children because pregnancy sounds so horrible to me. Lots of people think that’s crazy but it’s perfect for us. My husband is also the primary caregiver because 2 weeks off of work being a stay at home mom about drove me crazy. It works for us and we’re oh so happy with an oh so happy child. Every family is unique!
    Thanks for sharing!

  9. […] not stay home with children.  (Granted, that’s a whole separate topic for a blog! Oh wait, here it is!).  To me, the critical factor is that it’s my choice what I do with my life and that I have […]

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